Hej hej
Hope you’re all doing great and having an amazing Thursday!
I just came back from a run and O I am ever so grateful for this oncoming spring although I have been told that spring as a season does not really exist in Sweden. But today in the morning I was woken up at 7 AM by some very bright sunlight (because I don’t have curtains in my room) and I was so happy. It’s almost embarrassing how much the Sun affects my mood.
But the snow has mostly cleared up, the temperatures are mostly in the positive (although still at a meagre 1 or 2 degrees) and I can finally go on runs again. This week I have been trying to run at least every other day and it has been nice reconnecting with this lost hobby of mine.
I call it a hobby because I don’t think I ever saw running as a workout. I only ever run for my mental health, the physical health stuff was always just an added bonus. But running this past week has made me reflect back on how its been such an on-and-off presence in my life for the last few years, the origins of which I always trace back to The Pandemic. Although, I did before the pandemic too, I was just at my most consistent then. I was doing 5Ks everyday.
As a late-teen, during post-lockdown, running was my only escape from the mind-boggling nature of being trapped at home and the countless hours spent on Google Meet. It was my only time away from home and everyone, to truly connect with myself in a way. I enjoyed the solitude of it. Occasionally, it was also a means for me to meet up with my then high-school boyfriend away from the scary, scrutinizing eyes of my parents. Even now when I think of running, I think of the Bhayali roads surrounding my house. How intimately I familiarized myself with them and carved out my own 5 km tracks. They were always so sandy and there was always something under construction constantly. But, running wasn’t always this solitary activity.
Initially, I started running because of my Dad. He would wake me up at 6 AM and drive us to the Sevasi canal. We’d park the car and then start our run around the beautiful, unpolluted stretch of road bordering the canal. In retrospect, the canal was actually very polluted, I even did a project about its pollution levels. But I still remember how taken by this track I was when Dad first took me there.
I have a very vivid memory of that time. It was the 5th of July 2020 and we did a 7 km run. The lockdown had very recently been lifted so there was hardly anyone around. Dad pointed out the Eucalyptus trees to me. The more I look back at my childhood, the more it is obvious to me that I have always been so in awe of my father and his vast knowledge and interests and hobbies. Everything he liked, I tried to like too. Photography. Lord of the Rings. Planning Trips. I even tried taking an interest in Economics at one point in my life. I probably stuck to running as a way of impressing him too.
After the morning run on the 5th, we bought eggs and bread for breakfast and on our way back we stopped by an open field and he taught me how to drive a car for the first time. That was my first time behind a steering wheel and I felt invincible. I was 17. My phone was connected to the stereo playing an 80s Love Songs playlist. Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye and There Is A Light That Never Goes Out by The Smiths which I have never considered a “love song”. Later that day, Amazon delivered a pack of Maped Crayons that I had ordered. Life was good. I was happy.
Perhaps it is because of the events that followed that day that I remember it so vividly. During the Pandemic, I’d often reflect back on that day as my last ever happy day. Yes, I was an angsty teenager. A day after that I lost my Grandpa to Covid. What made it worse was that it had hardly been a month since I lost my Grandma. A blanket on gloom shielded the house. The four of us slept in the same bed that night.
Soon after that, the boy I had an on-again-off-again thing with, reached out to me and I had my first kiss which I guess kept me distracted from the general sadness. At the risk of sounding too melodramatic, that period of my life marks my descent into adulthood. Exacerbated by the fact that I was reading Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment at the time. A book I’ve never been able to finish because it always fucking takes me back to that one week of my life and how so much was changing back then. I was the Raskolnikoff of Vasna Bhayali, roaming the streets, aimlessly, trying to run from my own thoughts. 😂
The thing is, I still listen to the same playlist every time I run. The same playlist I made when I was 14. And music has a way of transporting you back in time. But, I can’t run to any other music, it has to be the angsty Red Hot Chili Peppers songs and a bit of Bryan Adams. I just keep adding songs to this one big running playlist every time I take up running again and it feels like I am adding memories. Perhaps in a few years when I run again, I will listen to the songs from now and think back to my time in Uppsala and the forest near Flogsta and my best friend who I go running with.
Music for the Week:
Here, I wanna share it with you guys. Even though its really cringe. If you have some nice running song suggestions, write back to me with them!
I don’t like living in a constant state of nostalgia but sometimes it is nice to reminisce. Like holy shit, I am 21 now and life looks so different. In other news, my wisdom tooth has been coming out and that is super painful. I also finally watched Shawshank Redemption this week, the highest rated movie on IMDB. Like finally. And it was amazing!
Anyway, I don’t want to make this too long. So, hope you have a good rest of the week. I hope you sometimes get the time to reconnect with lost hobbies too. And I hope I don’t get lazy and quit running by next week again.
Came across a phrase called “archivist of my own life” in the book I’m writing an essay about right now and I feel like that’s what I’m doing with these newsletters. Scrapbooking my weeks. Even if no one reads haha.
With love always,
Rishika
Few days back I was also thinking about our running during COVID. Last time you were here I think we went once to Sevasi for running. Your writing is becoming so interesting to read, free flowing and addictive.